# It’s not that I want to kill myself I just don’t want to do this anymore.

From all the friends who have reached out to me it has become painfully evident that our generation is fucked. The future is bleak and climate change has already gotten so far out of control that all we can hope for is to slow it down and gain an extra year or two for the future generation. Our economy is fucked, our educational system is fucked, our healthcare system is fucked, and the outlook of everyone seems to just be that we are fucked.

Now I used to be one to always preach hope and optimism but as of late all of that has been flushed down the toilet. But then the toilet got clogged and starting backing up while you just stand their screaming and panicking trying to shovel out the water with your toothbrush cup which is now permanently ruined. The bathroom floor now has water damage that you have to pay for but you can’t afford that so you just prioritize fixing the toilet and save up for the floor. That water damage slowly eats away at the floor’s structural integrity. You knew you shouldn’t have put the toilet in but you needed the toilet. You become so close to your goal in saving up for the floor that you can taste it. The next day the floor collapses and now you’ve got a fix you can’t afford so you get a second job. The second job then drains away your energy and happiness. To save money you repair the floor yourself. This repair costs you your back and your free time. You are now horribly stressed out with a damaged back, hospital bills, no money, and a no toilet. But you still need to take a shit somewhere.

This is my generation.

Do we protest and fix it?

Well if any protest has taught me anything it’s that they don’t do what we would like them to. People make the news, people get arrested, and the crooks at the top carry on with their lives all the same.

So what can we do to fix things?

It’s the little shit that if EVERYONE does we might actually send a message.

Step 1. STOP SHOPPING AT WALMART!

I get it they are cheap and that’s great but it’s all crap and buying anything from them is supporting the crooks running that establishment. Buy from resale stores, hit up farmer markets for groceries, support local business, and cut back on your consumption. Capitalism is what it is because they supply us with what we demand. If we stop demanding cheaply made plastic crap they will stop trying to sell it to us.

2. GO VOTE!!

Okay I understand the argument that the popular vote doesn’t matter and I hear you. But use your vote as a message. It is a broken system if a candidate can win the popular vote and loose the election. We the people are meant to be the one determining how our country, state, and city is run. You have a voice, use it. Remind your friends about local elections and research the issues. It’s a few moments out of your life that could have a much bigger long term effect.

3. Create more!

This goes with the “cut back consumption” thing. We are humans, we have two hands capable of making amazing things. A family once gave up shopping for an entire year! And what they found is they replaced the need to shop with the need to create. What if that drive for you to buy something new is really your soul wanting to create something? Don’t use the “well I’m not artistic” as an excuse because art isn’t about it looking nice or being perfect. Art, your art, isn’t meant for anyone but you. If all you can draw is a bunch of stick figures but it makes you happy then do that. Make a fucking stick figure mural! Cover all your walls in stick figures and if someone criticizes your stick figures screw them. Your art is for you and not them. Art is a window in to the soul and you can’t find yours until you start looking for it.

4. Protest everyday with your choices.

Your everyday actions can be a protest. By not giving in to the normal capitalist agenda you are protesting. You don’t have to hold up a sign and stand outside of an office to send a message. Spread the information, share facts with your friends, help one another to alter your lifestyles, and work everyday towards a better future. Be a peaceful rebel. Violence will only beget violence but love always creates more love.

Now I’m not saying that protests are worthless or useless it just feels evident to me that the message they send do not get across to the people who need to hear it. More so, these people hear the message and ignore it anyways. Yes, they get on the news and get us to start talking about issues that we need to discuss. BUT Wall Street is still corrupt, people of color are still profiled, we are still fighting a war to like someone else’s pockets, Standing rock is still there, Flint still needs clean water, and Trump is still our president. Protests don’t work the same way as they once did we need to change our methods as the times change. We need to stop supporting the business operated by the people corrupting our nation. They do not care about us they care about money.

So there’s your motivational speech of the day. Why did I tittle this “I don’t want to kill myself I just don’t want to do this anymore”? Well because my biggest fear is my words will all fall upon lost ears as I myself struggle with the ups and down.

It’s so easy and convenient to buy cheaply made goods and eat mass produced food. It’s hard to go out of your way to make a political statement. It costs more to do the right thing and make good choices. We’ve been demanding the easy affordable option for too many years and that is what we’ve been given. That is how supply and demand works. We need to start demanding better.

It’s difficult to stay informed on every election and to convince others to do the same. Through this week of darkness I’ve found clarity. The way the world is headed is clear as glass but also just as dangerous. Beautiful but fragile and if you’re not careful you might cut yourself trying to pick up the pieces. The best option would be to avoid ever breaking the glass but we’ve gone far past.

So, no, I don’t want to kill myself but I’ve lost hope and dont want to do this anymore. And if you’ve read this far perhaps it’s because deep down you feel the same.

Don’t be me and give in to grief. Be better. Live better. Demand better.